Carol D: So there I was, sitting in New York City in front of my computei taking a break from trial preparation, fresh from working out what would undoubtedly be a neat bit of cross- examination, when I spied it: the report of an interview Michael had done for Radio Lancashire. I blinked and read it again. Then I laughed out loud. Michael had clearly been in rare form, naughty and mischievous. And the quote itself? A lawyer’s dream. A pitch high and outside, right over home plate. It was just sitting there begging for its own bit of cross- examination.
I thought “Oh no, Michael, not fair. You can’t make a funny, provocative statement like that and go off without some explanation.” The statement was on the record. It involved a non-private matter. It was fair game for a follow up question. And I had one.

We have an old saying in the City: “If you don’t ask, you don’t get.” But I couldn’t ask the question unless I could get it to Michael. And if I couldn’t ask the question, there was no way I was going to get the answer.. Then I had it: the Event! The Question and Answer period! Michael has a good sense of humor (I hope); what the heck, he might just pick my question out of the box if I can only get someone to sneak it in there for me. But who??? Carol C was headed across the pond. She was going to the Event. Remember all that stuff about how we Michael fans take care of one another? Help each other out? Cooperate? I took the man at his word.

We were going to have a Michael moment. (Cue “Phantom”: “I am the mask you wear”; “It’s me they hear”). I opened my e-mail. I started to type. I hit “send”... Then I sat back and waited.

 

Carol C: O.K., I’d like to tell you that I had second thoughts. Misgivings. Qualms. That upon reading Carol D’s e-mail, and invitation to join her in a spot of international chicanery, I tried to appeal to her better self. Steer her to the high road. Ask her what her Mother would say. It would all be a lie. I was in this from the minute I readthar question. But when I got to the Event, the God of Mischief had been there first. There was no questions box. The Q & A was now live.
In other words, I wasn’t going to be able to just slip a question with someone else’s name on it into some receptacle, sit back anonymously and listen.
Oh no. I was going to have to ask it myself. In person. To Michael. With a straight face. Well, maybe not with a straight face.

 

And out of all the members of the audience, the microphone came right to me. The God of Mischief had joined our conspiracy. But I sure didn’t feel like the Angel of Music. I took a deep breath. I looked Michael straight in the face and
Show time.

 

“I’m Carol Cox from Miami, Florida.” (I’m doing O.K. so far).
Michael: “Hi Carol. (Beat) From Miami? You brought the weather with you. Thank you.” “Yeah?”

Yes, I thought, but that’s not all I brought. Here goes:
“We went to see you in Salt Lake City”
Michael nodded. That was encouraging. "Actually, this question is from Carol Duffy in New York City. (Another nod).” She said to tell you in a recent interview you said...”

By now Michael’s eyebrows were slightly raised, perhaps wondering what it was he *had* said. And here it was:
"that a good concert is like having an affair..”

Beat. Then Michael chuckled. Did I detect a slight blush? “Not an affair he began, holding up his finger. He wanted the actual quote, did he? Looking to see if I was really going to do it? I was. “Okay”, I retorted. “It was ‘better than sex’.”

The room convulsed in laughter including Michael himself. And that was definitely a blush. “Well he started, but then apparently...
“So, given that analogy...”
Michael: “Yeah?” By now he was looking me straight in the eye, waiting: “... Carol wants to know, was Salt Lake City as good for you as it was for us?”
By this time, the audience and Michael were killing themselves laughing.
But the man clearly loves a challenge. When the room calmed down a bit, Michael picked up the gauntlet that had arrived at his feet from overseas. A naughty gleam came into his eyes.

“Oh yeah!” he purred, with a huge grin on his face. ‘Although, because it was in America and I’m here, I suppose somebody thought well ... that was my little bit on the side.”

Then HE began: “I did make that analogy, you’re absolutely right because it is ... there’s a kind of rhythm to it...”
Laughs all around. “Work with me girls on this...”
Then he just went for it: “But you think about it, you know, what happens in a concert... You rush out and you’re all full of it...”
(Giggles from the group)
“There’s a little bit of teasing And there’s some serious moments ... and it lightens up and then there’s some more serious moments ... and it lightens up again...” (Still more giggles)
‘And it gets bigger ... and BIGGER...”
By now the laughter was outright and Michael was going with the flow, talking faster and faster: ‘And eventually you hit the b flat and love changes everything!”
(Howls of laughter; just howls at this point).
Michael rook a small half-bow. But he wasn’t finished. He just kept that ball rolling.
‘And ... if it’s a really good night, ... you get three
encores!”
(By this rime I think-I saw someone rolling by me in the aisles, but I’m not sure).
Brilliant, just brilliant.

Carol D: Somet0imes, just sometimes, things go even better than planned. I couldn’t believe my ears when Carol C called me from the UK, or what I was reading scrolling across the fan club forum. Michael, his sense of humor clearly intact (Bless), rose to the occasion like the gendeman he is, and gave us an answer for the ages.

Michael, I wouldn’t want to face you on the witness stand. Thank you for exceeding our wildest expectations. I doubt either of us will ever contemplate the phrases “hit the b flat” and “three encores” with equanimity again. It’s too bad you won’t be taking any questions from the audience at Haymarket on October 9th... But Carol C and I are stilI in touch... Roll on the 2006 Event!